If you’re a non-techie like me, you may not be aware that blogs and websites monitor the traffic (visitors/hits) they receive. You get different information depending on programs used. To reassure you–no personal information, including email addresses and names can be accessed.

I take a look at the statistics most mornings. I enjoy the information, particularly the countries people come from and the information they’re searching for. I’ll share some of the most popular search phrases and you’ll see why I enjoy checking them out. Again, I have no idea who searched for a particular topic or where they’re they’re from.

Inquiring People Want To Know:

Smoking Grape Vines

Who would have known it? Honestly, truly, several times a week there are searches for “smoking grape vines.” It never fails to get me cackling.

I wrote about a family member smoking grape vines on September 29, 2006. My cousin, Tom, is as happy down in the hills of southern Indiana as I am in Paris. (I, too, love Brown County, Indiana. But I’m not sure I could live there–it would be love or hate. I don’t know which.)

Being a good distance from a store, the teenage Tom confessed that he occasionally smoked a little of the abundantly available grape vine.

I do believe some visitors to the site are disappointed when they don’t find instructions for grilling with grape vines. It seems others want to share the joys of smoking grape vines.

Esophageal Cancer Blog

This is a serious inquiry that I’m seeing a lot as of late. I’ve written about esophageal cancer (EC) a number of times. In 2003, it took John, my 37-year-old brother. In March of 2006, my Uncle Dave died of EC. Several of us in my family also have been diagnosed with precancerous Barrett’s Esophagus. (By the way, the theory that obesity is leading to a rise in EC doesn’t hold true with my family and tends to irritate me.)

I may have written about a description-defying EC discussion group that has been a real godsend to people who have EC and their families. The group is populated by remarkably sharp and supportive people, including a couple of physicians who have EC.

If someone needs information on living with EC, caring for people with EC, the latest research and treatments for EC, humor, compassion and support, the EC Discussion Group is the place. I mean it–if you’re dealing with EC in any way this group is essential.

Chantix and Depression

Introduced about a year ago, Chantix is a nicotine-free smoking cessation aid. It is not an antidepressant like Zyban, which has been widely used to help people kick the habit. Chantix has worked well for many quitters. However, according to Pfizer, the drug’s manufacturer, depression and anxiety are not infrequent side effects. Most at risk are people who have “underlying” emotional/mental health issues.

Cigarette Substitutes

I’ve compiled a couple lists of cigarette substitutes and will be revisiting them as I approach a new quit date. (No, I haven’t set it yet, but I’m leaning toward early September.)

Wrinkles and smoking, one cigarette a day, weight gain, quit smoking diary and buy Nicstick are popular as well. And…Juicy Fruit gum. Blecch! Even saying the name makes me nauseous.

I’m going to set a new quit date very soon. I’ve been avoiding it for a several reasons:

• I was too stressed to focus on quitting given the recent deaths in the family. At least for me, the need to focus on tackling my smoking triggers was crucial.
• Because of the loss of my sister and father, thinking or caring that I’m smoking, much less setting a quit date, had sunk to the bottom of my brain, under all the useless clutter.
• At some point, I’m going back to Meg’s house to handle numerous tasks and issues. I got in the habit of sitting in her courtyard and smoking. With the pool and tropical landscaping, it’s my favorite place to be at Meg’s house–it was hers too–and I’ll want to still sit there, but it will be very hard to not smoke.
• We’ve not taken the July Birthday Babies Cruise yet this year, though there’s been some discussion about a belated event. Last year, that cruise was by far the most difficult setting for me to not smoke. (See the post on July 24, 2006 for details.) If the cruise gets scheduled, I’d like my quit date to fall afterward.

Nonetheless, I think I’m getting closer to being able to handle quitting again. I’m going to review some of last year’s preparation and I have some new ideas too.

Now, will someone please give me a kick in the posterior and get me to set that date!

My grandmother in southern Indiana used to crack us up when she’d call one of our names. For instance, she might be calling me, but she’d say, “Donna,” (my mother), “I mean Liz,” (my aunt), “Rhonda,” (my cousin), “Ohhh, you know who I mean, Meg!” (my sister)… Then I’d look at her with my eyes open as wide as I could possibly make them, with my goofiest face, and she’d shake her head, laugh and say, “Susan!”

So here I am, doing much the same thing. I’ll walk a certain direction and have to stop and try to remember where I’m going. After three years here at the Trust, I still haven’t memorized the employee dial-in line. I often draw a blank when confronted with the many passwords, PIN numbers, password hints, etc. that are part of my day. I’ve even had to note all my grandchildren’s birthdays on the calendar. (On the bright side, I do remember all their names.)

My memory is worse right now, given the trauma of the two recent deaths in my family. But it wasn’t so great before that. I shan’t, however, mention the culprit–that three-letter word that starts with an a, and also has an e and g in it.

Nicotine and Memory

Some studies indicate that nicotine (patches have been used) may actually improve memory and decision-making ability in people with minor memory impairment.

It works like this: Neurons in your brain carry and transmit information from one neuron to the next neuron and on down the line. It’s sort of like an electrical circuit. In a number of studies, nicotine chemically enhances the transmission of information between neurons.

Nicotine also may help people who have Tourette’s Syndrome, Attention Deficit Disorder and Schizophrenia.

It’s nice to learn that nicotine has some benefits. But none of the researchers who’ve studied the drug’s positive aspects recommend taking up smoking.

I go through spells of binging on pulp fiction. Hard-boiled detectives or cops, the femme fatale, and cigarettes are typically part of the plot in these books. Today, smokers are pariahs. But in the days of the pulps, it seemed nearly everyone smoked–in the books and in real life. Detective Sam Spade rolled his own; here is Dasheill Hammet’s description:

“Spade’s thick fingers made a cigarette with deliberate care, sifting a measured quantity of tan flakes down into curved paper, spreading the flakes so that they lay equal at the ends with a slight depression in the middle, thumbs rolling the paper’s inner edge down and up under the outer edge as forefingers pressed it over, thumbs and fingers sliding to the paper cylinder’s ends to hold it even while tongue licked the flap, left forefinger and thumb pinching their end while right forefinger and thumb smoothed the damp seam, right forefinger and thumb twisting their end and lifting the other to Spade’s mouth.”

Philip Marlowe (name of the fictional detective and the writer), suffered terribly from psoriatic arthropathy, a skin and joint disease. He gauged his health status by his ability to reach his cigarette pack from the dresser by his bed. In the movie, “Pulp Fiction,” fictional Red Apple cigarettes are prominent throughout the movie.

Cigarettes also are clues. A single brand of cigarette, smoked down to the filter, is found at a number of murder scenes. A lit, moving cigarette is all that can be seen next to the house where the murder took place on a moonless night. A suspect smokes a rare brand of cigarette…

Jim Thompson

If you like raw mystery stories and haven’t read the Jim Thompson books, make a beeline to the bookstore. The Getaway is much more chilling in its original form than the movie (think about hiding in an underwater cave that you can only hunch over in, breathing air from the stale pocket.) But I’ll tell you, reading The Killer Inside Me will get me hiding under the covers like a six year old on Halloween night.

We introduced Jim Thompson to a good friend who’s a retired newspaper reporter and avid reader. After reading our Killer Inside Me, he checked out every Thompson book at the library. After finishing them, our friend said something about needing to read something that didn’t have a psychopath as the protagonist.

Simile and Metaphor

Although some can be groaners, a lot of the similes and metaphors in the pulps are too much fun. Consider this Raymond Chandler metaphor.

“Sooner or later I may figure out why you like being a kept poodle.”

When my kids were teens and young adults, coming up with similes and metaphors was a favorite dinner-table activity. We’d start with a prompt such as: “The red dress fit her…” then everyone chimed in their goofiest simile or metaphor. The game got more hysterical as we continued because we had a tendency to mix each others’ metaphors until we were over the top.

Several times I’ve written that naming a quit date is the hardest part of quitting.

Well, here I am, waiting to name my second quit date. I’m not totally sure why. I think I’m waiting until I’m solid enough after the deaths of my sister and father to focus on quitting. For me, at least, the focus part is crucial.

The professional smoking cessation people use a Health Belief Model that says you’ll be more likely to stop smoking or chewing if you:

• believe you could get a tobacco-related disease and worry about it

I can very honestly answer yes to both of the above. Because of my job, I know far too well how damaging my habit is. And because of the esophageal cancer that runs in my family, I definitely worry about my greater risk.

• believe you’ve got a good shot at quitting

I was not at all confident about this before I quit last summer. Now, I know I can do it. But can I stick to the quit?

• believe the benefits of quitting are greater than the benefits of continuing your tobacco use

Is it possible that there’s a bozo out there who doesn’t know this is true?

• know of someone who has had health problems as a result of their tobacco use

I watched my former mother in law die from lung cancer after decades of smoking. My grandmother, a hardcore smoker, died of emphysema. Her husband, my dear grandfather, died of heart disease. Smoking would have made a major contribution to his condition.

So why haven’t I set a date? Am I ready?

I don’t really enjoy smoking now. I’m embarrassed by it. I hate the odor. And I hate what it can do to my health.

I find that I’m creating new smoking patterns–particularly smoking at a specific time or place. Funny that I didn’t just revert to the old ones. If you haven’t tracked your cigarettes, consider using the smoking journal (PDF), located under “Resources and Tools” to the right of your screen.

Get to Know Your Habit Better
It works like this: monitor when you light up for a few days. Go for a mix of weekday and weekends. Then determine which of the following three conditions triggers you to smoke each cigarette:

1. You smoked this cigarette out of habit. You know–the smoke you light when you pick up the phone, pour the first cup of coffee in the morning or start the car.
2. Your emotions made you smoke this cigarette! You get an unexpected letter from the IRS. Your teenager is late coming home from a date. Your mother-in-law suggests you learn how to pack properly five minutes after you get in her house–and most of the luggage is her son’s.
3. You had lust for this cigarette. It tasted great and you enjoyed most of it.

After you’ve completed your journal, make a plan for how you’re going to do battle with the triggers you’ve identified. You’ll find a tool, “Trump the Trigger” (PDF), also under “Resources and Tools” to help you with your planning.

How does this work? Well, plan an alternative to smoking when you’re up against your toughest triggers. Take a walk with your morning java instead of sitting with a cig. Don’t have that after-dinner cigarette; instead, spend time on your computer, visit a friend or watch an old favorite movie.

Planning before you kick the habit truly can make the difference between failure and success.

As Brits dash outside to light up in the wake of their new smoking ban, the determined smokers of Wellington Arms Pub in Southampton, England have devised a novel solution: They’re declaring the pub an embassy for the wee island of Radonda, somewhere in the Caribbean, which would exempt the pub from the smoking ban.

Bob Beech, noble knight of Radonda and landlord of the Wellington Arms Pub, said, “We are going to apply to turn the pub into an embassy as soon as possible. I have a legal team looking into the legalities at the moment.

“I think we would have a lot of regulars if we get it and there would be the benefit of no VAT on the drinks so there would be no tax on beer.”

Although there are at least nine claimants to the throne of Radonda, most subjects recognize King Robert the Bald, who also goes by the name of Robert Williamson. King Robert hails from Canada but prefers his square-mile realm, where he writes novels to augment the royal coffers.

As an embassy, the pub would be considered foreign soil and exempt from England’s smoking ban.

Tomorrow will be the one-year anniversary of my first quit-smoking date. It still feels good that I had some level of success.

• Two months totally smoke-free.
• Smoked occasionally during our two weeks in Europe last September.
• When I got on the plane to come home from Europe, I didn’t smoke at all for two weeks.
• Unfortunately, I got hung up smoking one cigarette a day–for months.
• I kept up the one-a-day habit until the news of my sister’s death–April 11–when I lit up and haven’t stopped since.

So here I am, buying cigarettes, smoking cigarettes, smelling like a tobacco shed after the pyromaniac ran out the back and, once again, jeopardizing my health. (Though I’m absolutely not smoking in my car.)

I will set a new date soon–when I can focus a bit better. You may recall that I believe setting that date is the hardest part of quitting. On the other hand, I want to be ready and have it together enough to be successful in round two.

Cessation Aids

I felt that nicotine lozenges worked pretty well for me last year, but I may check out Chantix. (I already take the antidepressant, Bupropion, which is the same drug as Zyban. Zyban was the first nicotine-free aid.)

Chantix both reduces the pleasure you get when you do smoke and reduces withdrawal symptoms when you’re kicking the habit.

The nicotine inhaler might be worth a look, too. When I was really jonesing for a cigarette on my first quit attempt, I’d put an unlit cigarette in my mouth and take a couple of smokeless puffs. It helped!

During this miserable time when I’m totally distracted with the deaths in my family and smoking like London during the blitz, I’ve been asked to not post until I’m back at work and again actively seeking a smoke-free Susan.

I’ve been trying to think through Meg’s death–what signs I saw and what signs I missed.

The Lowdown

• A lot of stress, but this was the norm for Meg.
• Major, major conflict with her business partner–which I inherited. (Boy, would I love to say more…but this is not the right forum.)
• Depression. Meg had been facing depression since our clean-livin’, 37-year-old brother, John, was diagnosed with esophageal cancer in 2001. John and our mother both died in 2003 and I know Meg never recovered from those losses. I have nagged and nagged and pleaded for Meg to get professional help. A little over a year ago, she was on antidepressants, but a neurologist who was treating her severe familial tremor took her off them!! This past winter, she was again on an antidepressant, but didn’t find it effective. Her primary care doctor wouldn’t prescribe an alternative without her seeing a psychologist. Meg absolutely refused to see a psychologist. Like a rock. My begging and reasoning was like talking to a teenager in love who wants to go out on a weeknight.  I did not realize how deep and how dangerous her depression had become. Please, please! Depression is a life-threatening disease that has a physiological basis. It’s not a weakness. If you or someone you care about has depression–GET THEM HELP!
• Meg was drinking too much. We saw this when she accompanied us to Europe last fall. I had several conversations about it with her–and I didn’t beat around the bush about the issue. I didn’t know that there’s a strong correlation between substance abuse and suicide until it was too late.
• You know, Meg has always been a blast to travel with. However, she wasn’t last fall. I feel bad because after the first of the year we told her that Jeff and I wanted to go alone to France this fall. After all, she disliked France and Jeff and I needed alone time, given the boomerang child at home. We didn’t tell her that it had been less than pleasant traveling with her on our last trip. I just don’t know how big a deal this was to her. This nags at me.
• The poor kid was lonely. I didn’t know how lonely until I talked with people here in Florida the past weeks.
• As I’ve commented in this blog, Meg started smoking again about a year and a half ago, having quit successfully more than 15 years ago. Was this a sign that she’d given up on herself, her future. The psychology of smoking is strange stuff.

I have no answers yet. I just want my sister back.