Soul Searching
Thank you to all who inquired about the endoscopy and biopsy results. My old gullet is A-OK–no signs of Barrett’s Esophagus at this time and, of course, no esophageal cancer.
I do know that occasionally readers stumble upon the blog when they’re searching for information on esophageal cancer. The absolute best web site, for both information and support, is the Esophageal Cancers Discussion Group, which is sponsored by the Association of Cancer Online Resources (ACOR).
Also…do not ignore acid reflux. And if you’re having trouble swallowing, losing weight, have pain behind the breastbone and/or have recurring reflux or indigestion–see your doctor!
Why I Still Smoke
Susie, a reader of this forum, suggested that I identify why I’m still smoking an occasional cigarette. I thought the suggestion was excellent, because knowing why I’m clinging to the last remnant of the habit will enable me to make plans to combat this hazardous practice. Actually answering Susie’s question has been a lot like my experience with algebra–I’m clueless. But I will try.
- It’s like I broke a covenant I’d established between July 11 and September 3 by smoking in Europe. After that, lighting up at home from time to time didn’t seem sacrosanct as it had before the trip. I don’t think I feel I failed, but it was so, so cool when I didn’t smoke at all. I was pretty darned proud of myself.
- Unavoidably, I’m around a fair amount of smoking. It seems so in my face.
- My level of depression is increasing as the days are getting shorter, colder–and DARK. It’s much harder for me to be tough and focused when the black dog of depression is biting my ankle. Is this an excuse? Perhaps. But, for me, it’s also a fact of life.
- I don’t have my focus. So much is going on, in addition to depression, that it’s impossible to give being smoke-free the share of mind it had before the trip.
- I think part of me harbors a desire to be a very occasional smoker. This isn’t my dominant wish. I would prefer to not smoke at all.
- I’m making a excuses for myself at the very time I smoke. I believe I’m thinking–mostly subconsciously–that half a cigarette is no big deal. Sometimes I think I deserve it because of stress. And, very rarely, I’m so blue that I just don’t care.
I believe these are the reasons I’m still smoking. In my next post, I’ll make a plan to combat them.
