The Lowdown
Weekdays have seen me low enough to kick the cat and leave empty toilet paper rolls in the bathrooms. I’ll tell you, when I’m like this, one minute I’m thinking, “To heck with it–we’ve all gotta die of something. I’m going to buy a pack of cigarettes.” The next minute, the thought of a cigarette is disgusting.
It’s a drag to be in Black Dog mode. It screws up my thinking and my resolve to not smoke. I don’t even care that I have a daily smoke. When the Black Dog’s not around, that once-a-day cigarette bugs the heck out of me and I’m ready to get motivated to kick it.
I wish it was possible to have more control over this disease (depression). It would make a lot of things easier–including smoking cessation.
March 28th, 2007 21:18
You have reason to be down. In this case I know it as ‘phantom dog syndrome’; expecting it to round the corner as always. Then the realization, once again, that isn’t going to happen.
When I’m that way I rely on the cognitive end of the spectrum. I review fact based stuff on a regular basis to keep it in the forefront of my mind.
p.s.- I sent one earlier but I think it went astray -blooop!?!