Standing in Front of the Bulldozer of Life, Cigarette in Hand
The deaths of my father and sister have sent me into a tailspin and I’m taking some time off work and the demands of Madison to try and get my head on straight and find a way to cope with these losses.
I’m staying at Meg’s lovely house. Her pool and courtyard have wonderful tropical plantings–six palms, caladiums, bougainvillea and more. I sit at the table there and smoke. I also swim, weed and trim plants–everything here grows like they’re on steroids. Gardening is a passion of mine and a good stress reliever.
I feel closer to Meg here. She was so proud of her home and it’s going to be put on the market at some point, so I’m getting it ship-shape. It feels like I’m doing something for her. “Eddie the Hammer” is going to be doing the big work. Eddie did work for Meg and Dad. He’s a character and is feeling the losses too.
I’m doing absolutely nothing on Dad’s estate. I can’t seem to tackle them simultaneously.
This Blog
It was always my intention that the blog be more than just about kicking the tobacco habit. Little did I know that it also would encompass: depression, illness, loss, grief, love for family and friends… But these things are part of living–whether you smoke or not. And they certainly pose additional challenges to people trying to quit.
June 14th, 2007 00:15
Hello,
I tried to leave a comment before, but it looks like it didn’t stick.
I’ve been following your blog for a while now, and was saddened to hear of your recent, devastating losses.
I quit smoking a little over a year ago, when I got pregnant with my second child, after smoking for more than 20 years, and not a day goes by that I don’t think about it, or mourn it. I am glad to read the words of someone also fighting the good fight.
Thanks for sharing all that you do here. I wish you peace.
–Kelly