Family Tradition
My mother has been gone four years now. Except for the first few months after she died, I don’t think I’ve missed her more than I do during this time of additional loss.
Mama Don’t Take My Kodachrome Away
I now am the keeper of all my parents’ and my sister’s photos–albums and boxes and boxes. In one of my favorite shots of my lovely mother, she’s sitting on the floor at a party hosted by their friends, the McCraes with Dotty McCrae’s wonderful art and artifacts in the background.
Mother must have been in her early 30s. She’s wearing a brown dress with a vivid, contrasting scarf. (Unusual, because I’m the one in the family who loves scarves.) Super-slim as always, Mother’s legs and bare feet are tucked behind her and she’s leaning in the other direction, animated, smiling and intent on a conversation with someone outside the shot. She’s leaning on one hand and gesturing dramatically with her other arm outstretched.
Mother was movie-star beautiful. You don’t have to take my word for that; many people would corroborate the point. One of her three brothers recently told me of a conversation he had with their Uncle Von. “When you boys were growing up, did you have any idea how beautiful Donna was?” Uncle Von asked. Then he added, “We all thought she was the most beautiful creature who walked the earth.” That was Mother.
In the photo at the McCrae’s party, mother’s outstretched arm ends with a lit cigarette. Going through all of the photos, I realized that there are very few photos that show Mother without a cigarette.
Defiance
When smoking became unfashionable, Mother made no accommodation for even the most rabid anti-smoker. (That would be my sister-in-law.) She ignored common sentiment and was truly quite obnoxious about smoking. I know many people talked about this unflatteringly–not without reason.
When Mother died in 2003, I wrote her obituary. Although Dad didn’t get it, I insisted that we name her cause of death, which was not associated with smoking. I knew that some people would assume Mother died of a smoking-related condition and I didn’t want to give anyone an excuse to be tacky about her smoking after she was gone.
