A house guest left a cigarette butt in an ashtray in the basement–barely a cigarette butt, more like a filter with a sprinkling of mostly burned tobacco on one end.

Because of this, an incident occurred last Friday night when I was in the basement doing laundry. I was tired, a little bummed out and my inner demon made me try to light that scant cigarette butt.

Unfortunately, I was having so much trouble lighting it that I didn’t notice that I was leaning over the large fan on the floor. The fan was facing up and blowing like a Santa Ana wind. It blew all those hot, black tobacco crumbles in my right eye.

I was not supposed to smoke that cigarette butt.

The next day, Jeff asked my what was wrong with my eye.

“I don’t want to tell you,” I said.

“Did it have anything to do with a cigarette?” he asked.

Well, I was caught–red-eyed.

“That’s karma for you,” Jeff said.

That had already occurred to me and I was darned lucky that my eye wasn’t seriously damaged.

“A custom loathsome to the eye, hateful to the nose, harmful to the brain, dangerous to the lungs, and in the black, stinking fume thereof, nearest resembling the horrible Stygian smoke of the pit that is bottomless.”

So spoke King James I of England (1566 to 1625) about smoking tobacco. Also known for his version of the bible, King James was considered one of England’s most intelligent rulers.

I’ve always been a little irritated with people who gagged and griped about the lingering aroma of tobacco smoke. I do remember feeling squeamish (ok, guilty) when a friend said she could smell it on her children’s clothes when they returned from visiting their smoking father.

Now that I’ve been smoke-free for 18 days, I’ve become hyper-sensitive to the smell of tobacco smoke. Honestly, it doesn’t smell too great when it’s from someone who just had a cigarette.

But it still smells delicious when it’s a lit cigarette. I hope that attraction goes away.

October 27 will be the third anniversary of the death of my little brother, John Edward Morris. John, who turned 37 the year he died, was a competitive athlete, vegetarian, smart, funny and an honest-to-goodness *hero. He didn’t smoke and an occasional beer was pretty much the extent of his alcohol use. After a two-year battle that was fierce and often ugly, John died of esophageal cancer.

In March of this year, our uncle, Dave Williamson, also lost his battle with esophageal cancer. They both were diagnosed in a terrifying three-week period of time in 2001.

Another uncle was found to have Barrett’s Esophagus, a precancerous condition that may, or may not, become malignant. My sister Meg, and I, were also diagnosed with a milder form of Barrett’s. We’ve been fortunate, however, because there have been no signs of Barrett’s in our last two endoscopies. The whole blasted family is participating in a Mayo Clinic study on genetics and Esophageal Cancer.

Esophageal Cancer and My Smoking Habit

Esophageal cancer is the most rapidly growing type of cancer in the U.S. It’s also one of the most deadly cancers. Only 15 percent of people diagnosed with the disease live five years. Smoking is a risk factor for esophageal cancer.

Please do not ignore risks and symptoms of Esophageal Cancer such as Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease, commonly referred to as GERD and problems swallowing. See you doctor ASAP. Remember that over-the-counter and generic proton pump inhibitors, such as Prilosec, are relatively inexpensive and effective in controlling GERD for most people.

When John first became ill, I was horrified at the prognosis and felt guilty that he got the cancer instead of me. After all, I’m older and had smoked for many years. I also felt that my smoking was kind of an affront to the admirable way John conducted his life. And I was more than a little afraid of the cancer, itself.

I also was utterly disgusted with my smoking and decided I had to quit. That was the period of time that I cut back to about four cigarettes a day. Of course, my smoking inched back up over time. I did cut back again after I was found to have Barrett’s, but one clear endoscopy and I was puffing away.

Knowing my risk, I have felt like such an idiot because I kept smoking. But, no more! I’ve been cigarette-free for 17 days.

* John made top-of-the-fold, front-page news in the Chicago Tribune in 1988, when he was all of 22 years old. After witnessing an out-of-control car nose-dive into a retention pond, my little brother jumped into the water, pulled a woman from the submerged car and gave her CPR–saving her life. John received a number of civic awards for this act.

I have no idea what started it, but about 10 last night I decided I had to have a cigarette. I asked Jeff for the remainder of the pack I gave him July 10. He looked me in the eye–and refused. So I stomped my foot and tromped out to my car to get the lone, single, only one cigarette that’s been there since my quit day.

I took the cigarette in the kitchen (no smoking allowed per my rule), put it in my mouth, closed my eyes and took a long, deep drag. I blew out. I took another drag. In fact, I did this for several minutes, savoring the feel of the cigarette and the act of smoking.

However, I did not light that cigarette. With my eyes closed, though, I could effectively fantasize smoking. It was great! I wanted to light it, but I had absolutely no intention of doing so.

Cigarette in the Glove Compartment

Yes, I’ve been very aware of that cigarette in the car. I kept it there because my Scottish heritage won’t allow me to throw away a perfectly good product and in case of emergency. What kind of emergency, you ask? Well, it would have to be something really big, like a Tsunami or an earthquake. Any emergency that would be devastating. Under those circumstances, I would smoke that cigarette–probably.

The cigarette is now back in the glove compartment.

The July Birthday Babies Cruise

Each summer, we attend the July Birthday Babies Cruise, a rollicking fun, three-hour cruise around the one of the lakes, followed by dinner at a nearby restaurant. The event was started by our friends Debra and Mark to commemorate the many July birthdays among our friends.

When we boarded ship last Friday, our group headed fore–a pleasant spot with great visibility and close proximity to the beverage area. We all admired our lakeside view of Monona Terrace and the many great houses on the lake. But the group started thinning out until only Jeff and I were at the fore.

Well, it seemed all our smoking friends had gone aft–to the smoking area of the boat. And heck, they stayed there for a long time. I told Jeff, “I’m a pariah. I’ve been shunned.”

I knew they were back there smoking. I thought about them standing there, talking and joking. And I really wanted to join them. And I really wanted a cigarette, which I told Jeff several times.

I did not do it. I did think about it.

The rest of the evening was great. Because of Madison’s smoking ban, the restaurant wasn’t an issue.

Next Morning

Saturday morning, Jeff and I were out running errands when he turned to me and said, “You became ‘The Exorcist’ last night.” (Wow…I wasn’t sure what he was talking about.)

“Well, did my head spin around?”

“No,” he replied. “But you kept growling, ‘I WAANNT A CIIIGAARRETTE!’”

Jeff deserves a medal.

I’ve found quitting smoking pretty easy so far. I believe I don’t want to smoke any more. I know how really, really bad it is for me.

Then why did I take one small puff of a friend’s cigarette last night? I did this once last week too, but it was just my second day of quitting. I guess I can understand that better. Neither time was I remotely tempted to smoke more. I even have to say, I DID NOT INHALE. (OK, make a wisecrack. I can take being the butt of jokes.) But I know that doesn’t get people off the hook.

I need to figure out what to do next time I’m tempted to take just one puff. I think I could probably use the distractions that already work for me–work on the computer, read a book, work in the garden or clean house.

Would it count if I just took a little sniff of the smoke?

When Kids Smoke Just One

A study of 2,000 school children in Britain found that kids who tried just one cigarette are twice as likely to take up smoking–even years after that single cigarette.

Could I conclude that my willingness to take one puff might mean I’d be more willing to start smoking again?

Just One Puff Damages DNA

Smoking just one puff–1/25th of a cigarette–can damage your DNA, according to a University of Pittsburgh study. Damaged DNA, particularly the kind of damage that results from cigarette smoke, can lead to cancer.

I don’t even want to think about my DNA after 35 years of smoking.

A Single Puff

That single puff I took last night may well have changed the way my heart relaxes between beats. In fact, researchers at the University of Arizona found, after one puff, the heart actually appears to stiffen between beats–an early indication of heart failure.

I can’t imagine how many puffs I’ve taken over the years.

I’m not alone. Another smoker out there is slogging along with his own smoking cessation effort.

Xiku, of Urumqi, China, is a chimpanzee with a serious smoking habit. With the help of cessation aids–beer and sunflower seeds–Xiku has nearly scratched away his itch for tobacco.

Xiku took up smoking during his long career as a circus star. After he retired and relocated to a zoo in Urumqi, visitors fueled his addiction by throwing him cigarettes for amusement. As a result, Xiku’s habit grew to a pack a day.

The zoo recently instituted a ban on the cigarette donations and set Xiku on the course toward cessation.

“At the beginning, he became irascible when he wanted to smoke, jolting windows and doors,” the Xinhua (China) news service quoted a zookeeper as saying.

The combination of beer and sunflower seeds, administered by his keepers, eased the withdrawal symptoms, enabling Xiku to kick the habit.

Source: USA Today, 6/23/2006

I wonder what brand of beer Xiku prefers.

210 Hours

I can’t believe it’s been 210 hours since I smoked a cigarette. So often in the past, one hour seemed like a long time to wait.

Ugly Smoking Scenes In My Past

• The times I couldn’t wait for my after-dinner cigarette long enough for the restaurant server to bring our check–poor Jeff had to sit by himself while I slipped outside to quick smoke half a cigarette.
• Traveling with clients and having them wait while I had a cigarette.
• Having a scene in a restaurant when a very rude man from the non-smoking section cursed and jammed his nose in my face because I was smoking–in the smoking section.
• Walking into smoke thick as the billows in Hades–the smoking lounge at the airport in St. Louis. It was vile and I was embarrassed to need a cigarette so much that I’d walk in there.
• Leaving friends or family behind at a restaurant table while I stepped into the lounge to smoke a cigarette.
• All the times a doctor would ask if I smoke.

How wonderful to have scenes like these in the past. If I just don’t blow it.

It has been more than a week since I’ve had a cigarette. Will miracles never cease?

Jeff has been particularly helpful because he’s cutting me no slack. He’s so tender-hearted that being adamant with me about quitting smoking–or anything–is extremely alien to him.

Is He Way Back There In the Garden?

Cutting a spouse no slack reminds me of a visit my grandparents made to my home in the Chicago area a number of years ago.

Both of my grandparents had been heavy smokers, but heart disease finally convinced my grandfather to quit. To his frustration, Mam-ma just kept puffing away, even as her emphysema worsened.

Now, Pap-pa still enjoyed a small nip of bourbon several times a year. Mam-ma, however, was a diehard teetotaler who wouldn’t abide by any alcohol grazing my grandfather’s lips.

Because they hadn’t been to our house, we’d given my grandparents the grand tour, ending proudly with our extensive garden. Then we headed inside for iced tea.

After a few minutes, my grandfather asked my husband if they might go back out to take another look at the garden. Once there, Pap-pa asked, “You wouldn’t happen to have a little whiskey, would you?” We did and he was pleased to be offered a small nip.

In the meantime, Mam-ma inquired nonchalantly if I might look out the window and make sure the men were far back in the garden. I said they were and she said, “Susan, would you bring me a cigarette?”

As I’ve said before, Pap-pa was a junior high history teacher. Time spent with them was always the best.

Wouldn’t it be ironic to bite the bullet and quit smoking after 35 years only to bite the dust choking on a nicotine lozenge?

Truly, the nicotine lozenges have helped me reduce cravings that are physical and cravings that are in my head. I take them at times I would normally smoke and when I get the smoking urge.

The lozenges are about the size of a Tums or Rolaids tablet and taste a little like them too–but not as chalky. Sometimes I think I catch a slight taste of something like black pepper.

You pop one in your mouth and let it dissolve, switching it back and forth from time to time. They take about 20 minutes to dissolve, (by which time my cravings have passed). Just remember you’ve got one in your mouth when you bend over or cough or the choking thing could become a reality.

Don’t chew or swallow the lozenges, because they work by being absorbed through the lining of your mouth. And swallowing the lozenges may leave you with acid indigestion. You also should not eat or drink anything 15 minutes before and 15 minutes after you take a lozenge or they may not be absorbed properly.

Each lozenge is a single dose and they’re are available in different strengths. Your doctor or pharmacist can help you determine which strength is best for you, based on how much you smoke.

The manufacturer recommends you use at least nine lozenges a day for the first six weeks of your quitting effort, then begin to reduce the quantity over the next six weeks. The first few days or so you can take up to 20 lozenges, if needed. After 12 weeks, you should no longer take them, unless your doctor advises that you continue.

Advantages of Nicotine Lozenges

• The lozenge delivers nicotine to your brain faster than a patch.
• You can take them with you anywhere and use them discreetly.
• You control the dosage and take them when you need them.
• They keep your mouth busy!

Remember that a three-month supply of the lozenges, or other smoking cessation aids, is free to Trust members. Get the details at the Trust web site.

At 10 tonight, I’ll have been smoke-free for a whole week!