I tell you, like a fox in a hen house, those tobacco companies can’t resist taking sly, underhanded steps to get what they want.

Today, their tactics are more subtle than these post-war ads using cute little tykes to sell their wares.

The Stealth Campaign

The last few years some of us, perhaps, were beginning to fall for tobacco company PR tactics, such as making large donations to charities, changing their name and conducting costly image campaigns. It seemed that Big Tobacco might really turn over a new leaf–albeit focusing on building smoking habits in more exotic lands.

But what really has been going on, from 1998 through 2004, is a stealth campaign to gain more die-hard smokers.

The Scam

The nicotine levels of cigarettes are tested by smoking machines. Tobacco companies found a way of fooling these machines by putting tiny holes in the filters that dilute the smoke. Of course, they knew well that smokers would cover these holes with their fingers or lips while smoking. As a result, most of us have been getting 10 percent more nicotine–the substance that’s so blasted addictive.

The Massachusetts Department of Public Health announced these findings just this week. In 2004, 166 of the 179 cigarette brands tested for this phenomenon were found to be in the highest range of nicotine content. Astoundingly, 73 of these brands are designated “light” or “ultra-light.”

And 70 Percent of American smokers want to quit! Thanks a lot, Big Tobacco. I don’t want to fund any more of these deceptive tactics by buying tobacco products. Do you?

I would have been highly skeptical had someone told me I’d reach the 50 smoke-free day mark. Although I’m not typically a big risk-taker, I sure closed my eyes and jumped off the cliff of quitting. I had no idea if I would land on my feet.

The preparation I did was really important, particularly:

• Knowing, in advance, how I would deal with urges.
• Having my support system in place–particularly my husband. Jeff’s tough love stance has been absolutely critical, but I’m not sure he would naturally be this adamant with me without his preparation.
• Letting my smoking friends know what was coming down.
• Having my cessation aids in the pantry. I’ve only had one nicotine lozenge today, but I’m not sure I would have made it without them.
• Understanding why I “needed” to smoke each cigarette–physical need, mental need or emotional need.
• Learning things I would need to do such as getting rid of all ashtrays and lighters–and cleaning the car.
• Cutting down the number of cigarettes I smoked a day. Although I couldn’t quit this way, I believe cutting back made my physical nicotine cravings easier to cope with.

All these steps helped me reach the 50-day mark. But the biggest hurdle, by far, was not overcoming physical addiction. It was setting my quit date and handing Jeff the remainder of the pack after I smoked my last cigarette. (Well, I actually smoked three cigarettes in a row, then handed him the pack.)

Truly..set that date and get determined. If I can do it, you sure as heck can!

There’s a great story on the American Cancer Society web site about Annie, the anti-smoking, miniature American Eskimo dog who, single-pawed, forced her owner, Bob Friend, to kick his habit for good.

Bob enjoyed watching football games on his sofa, with a beer and cigarette–and Annie. One day, Annie approached the cigarette in Bob’s hand, stuck her teeth out and mouthed the cigarette. It seems Bob doesn’t mind dog germs, because he took a puff of that cigarette and blew the smoke right in Annie’s face.

That single puff was enough to make Annie the Carrie Nation of anti-smoking dogs. From that time forward, at the click of Bob’s lighter Annie would throw herself on his lap, coughing, sneezing and sputtering in his face until he put the cigarette out.

Annie’s campaign drove Bob to give up his cigarettes, for a while. He started smoking again and Annie resurrected her antismoking campaign. Bob switched to cigars. Annie said, “No cigar” and hounded him relentlessly until he kicked the habit for good.

This is a photo of Harry, our Cairn Terrier. I don’t suspect Harry would be pleased if I were to light up on HIS sofa.

I mentioned last week that I had my annual physical and that my blood pressure was very good now that I’m not smoking. (Smoking doesn’t always cause high blood pressure, but it makes the effects of high blood pressure more problematic.)

I also had the blood work done to check my triglycerides–which had been very high in late January–so high, in fact, that my physician wanted me to take statins to help control it.

She and I agreed, however, that I should be retested first, just in case kicking cigarettes had a positive impact on my cholesterol. It did! No meds needed!

WARNING! A GENTLE NUDGE FROM THE HEALTH WRITER AT THE INSURANCE COMPANY: Per Consumer Reports, it would cost between $360 and $1,800 a year for the statins that would have been used to treat my formerly high triglyceride levels and $264 to $1,800 a year for calcium channel blockers to treat my formerly high blood pressure.

These dollars don’t include doctor visits and medical tests to monitor my conditions. And they don’t take into consideration the cost of diseases that these conditions cause, such as heart disease, stroke, kidney failure…Etcetera! Etcetera! Etcetera!

I don’t see anyone losing from my kicking the habit–except for the cigarette companies. Tough luck, fellas.

“Quitting smoking is easy. I’ve done it fifty times.”

“I have stopped smoking now and then, for a few months at a time, but it was not on principle, it was only to show off; it was to pulverize those critics who said I was a slave to my habits and couldn’t break my bonds.”

You gotta love Mark Twain–a giant of American humor–and a darn good writer too. (Literary lions such as Faulkner and Hemingway said all American literature has descended from “Huckleberry Finn.” Hemingway added that nothing quite as good had ever followed.)

Twain’s quotes at the top of the page make him all the more endearing to tobacco addicts.

My grandfather, Burr Williamson, loved Twain. When he died, I got to select a few of his books to keep. I have his Twain anthology and a book of quotations.

I also inherited my great-aunt Niki’s fabulous library, which includes many books on art, poetry and eastern philosophy.

One of the most awesome things about having these books is that both Pap-pa and Niki wrote notes in the margins. Niki also slipped notes and related newspaper clippings in some books.

Now, when I open one of their books, it’s like having a visit with them. I always come away with new insight or wisdom from their words.

Yesterday I had my annual physical. I get pretty anxious about doctors, dentists and medical settings, however, this appointment was pretty cool.

When the nurse told me my blood pressure was great I said, “Well, that’s because I stopped smoking.”

The doctor came in and asked what was new with me and I answered, “I stopped smoking. After 35 years, I finally quit.”

I bet my doctor congratulated me five or six times! I’m a sucker for praise.

Damaged Goods

At 52 (aargh?…ouch!…I take it back…that can’t be right…it must be my bad math again), and after smoking, lo those many years, I have a few things that need attention.

• I need to have a bone density test. It’s been known that smoking increases a woman’s risk for osteoporosis, but recent research shows it reduces bone density in men–and people exposed to second-hand smoke. The longer you smoke and the more you smoke the more likely it is that you’ll break bones when you get older. There is good news! Although it may take a few years, the National Institutes of Health say you can reduce these risks by knocking off the the cigarettes.
• I had to have blood drawn at the lab this morning because when I was last tested, in January, before I quit smoking mind you, my triglycerides–blobs of fat in my blood that can cause cardiovascular disease–were pretty darned high. Yes, high cholesterol is just one of a long list of health problems caused or aggravated by smoking. I hope being a new non-smoker will make the difference.
• I have chronic conjunctivitis and will need to see an ophthalmologist. I thought my rosacea was entirely to blame for this one. Then I looked it up. Surely enough, cigarette smoke can cause the disorder.
• I’m due for another endoscopy to check the esophagus for signs of abnormal growth. This is always really stressful for me, given the family history of esophageal cancer and my smoking history.

Just think of how healthy I’ll be when the impact of not smoking is fully realized. Ok, I should drop a few pounds, exercise more, eat more fresh stuff and quit the cookies…

Confession: I had one puff of a cigarette last Saturday.

I don’t know why I can’t overcome that urge to have just one puff. No way would I smoke a whole cigarette. So, is one puff “falling off the wagon?”

I’ve been reading about the correlation between the length of time you abstain from smoking and success at quitting.

Smoking cessation and cancer pundit, Dr. Michael Fiore M.D., director of the Center for Tobacco Research and Intervention at the University of Wisconsin Medical School, says, “Most people who abstain from smoking for three months can be cigarette-free for the rest of their lives.”

That’s really encouraging. I just have to keep it up.

About Those Cream Puffs

After reading my guilty comments about downing those five mini cream puffs, Jeff took a look at the nutritional information. Shoot! It takes six to make a single serving. I could have had one more.

41 days of not smoking! 12 days until we leave for Germany and France!

Every hour I grow more excited about our trip. I’ve also been a little anxious about staying smoke-free in countries where simply everyone smokes.

A couple of weeks ago, however, a kind reader of this blog reassured me that smoking in public places has been banned in many European countries. That’s good. But what will I do about my sister who’s going with us? After many, many years without smoking, Meg started again a few months ago.

I think the trip will be a test of my will.

Lost in Translation

I can get by in French but I don’t know more than a scant few words of German. Learning that I was struggling making reservations for accommodations in Germany, my pal, Ben, the fellow who makes this blog happen, (fixes my computer messes, teaches me Photoshop and talks politics with me) recommended that I use Babel Fish, an Internet translation site.

I tested it out, and several similar sites, and found Babel Fish the most accurate. So, I’ve been sending inquiries translated from my English to their German, using Babel Fish.

Last week, I had Babel Fish translate the following inquiry to German:

Dear Sirs:

Your hotel looks lovely. Do you have two double rooms with lake views available for September 8 and 9?

The rooms will be reserved for:
My husband and me - Jeffery Walker and Susan Morris
My sister, who is traveling with us - Margaret Morris
Thank you very much for your assistance. I look forward to hearing from you.

Cordially,
Susan Morris

The message looked very authentic in German and I emailed it to an awesome-looking hotel on the southern shores of Lake Constance. I was grateful that they responded in English, but a little surprised–after all, my message to them was in German.

Over the weekend, I needed to make an inquiry at an inn on another leg of our journey. I copied the German message I’d sent to the Lake Constance hotel and realized I needed to check a couple of words so I could make a few changes in the new message.

Because I hadn’t saved my original message, I pasted the German version into Babel Fish and hit the button to translate it back to English.

This is what came back:

Dear Sirs:

Their hotel looks attractive. Do you have two double areas with the sea-opinions, which are present for Septembers 8 and 9? The areas are for reserved:
My married man and I - Jeffery Wanderer and Susan Morris
My sister, who travels with us - Margaret Morris

Thank you for your support. I am pleased to hear from you to.
Cordially,

Susan Morris

They must think that Americans are very frank about their dalliances.

It has been 38 days since I had a cigarette. How weird. For most of 35 years, I had a cigarette in my hand–when I picked up the phone, after meals, in the car, when I was upset, when I was happy, when I was hanging out with friends…

Now I don’t buy cigarettes, clean ashtrays, despair over the billowing ashtray in the car, check to make sure cigarettes are in my purse before leaving the house, chew gum before going into meetings, HIDE MY SMOKING HABIT…

I’m not sure I consider myself a non-smoker yet. I know a cigarette still sounds awfully good.

With a Heavy Sigh

I will confess that my clothes are a tad more snug since I quit. Per the professional smoking-cessation advice, I’ve been focusing on losing my tobacco habit–not on losing weight. But, I’m going to have to address weight soon.

I think I’ll wait until we get back from Europe. Last year, I actually lost weight on vacation, despite all the fabulous food we enjoyed in Paris and Provence. That’s because we walked everywhere. If we’d walked a straight line, I swear we’d have been in Russia.

Research shows most people gain only five to ten pounds when they quit smoking. That’s not a big deal. Here are a few ideas:

• You can lose 20 pounds in a year by switching from whole milk to low-fat dairy products.
• Substitute coffee, with artificial sweetener if so inclined, for that 16-ounce cappuccino and you can lose more than 10 pounds in a year.
• Reduce your caloric intake by just 100 calories a day and you’ll lose 10 pounds in a year.

And, of course, there’s exercise–not my favorite. I need to find ways to increase my activity level and get a decent cardio workout. Aargh! How blasted good do I have to be??!

Who needs a home? Do you really have to feed the kids? Pay Bills? –Humbug!

Forget all that trivial stuff. What you need is one of the new, $10,000 limited-edition pack of cigarettes from BAT International.

Sold only at certain international airports in Europe, this cigarette pack is made of 18 carat white gold and is adorned with a “large” diamond and a ruby. The thought of whipping this baby out at a party is enought to make one think about smoking again.

When Jeff reads this, I’d like to remind him that the ruby is my birthstone. And what do you know?!! We’ll be flying into Europe in a couple of weeks!

Just think about what $10,000 would accomplish in a third-world country.