I go through spells of binging on pulp fiction. Hard-boiled detectives or cops, the femme fatale, and cigarettes are typically part of the plot in these books. Today, smokers are pariahs. But in the days of the pulps, it seemed nearly everyone smoked–in the books and in real life. Detective Sam Spade rolled his own; here is Dasheill Hammet’s description:

“Spade’s thick fingers made a cigarette with deliberate care, sifting a measured quantity of tan flakes down into curved paper, spreading the flakes so that they lay equal at the ends with a slight depression in the middle, thumbs rolling the paper’s inner edge down and up under the outer edge as forefingers pressed it over, thumbs and fingers sliding to the paper cylinder’s ends to hold it even while tongue licked the flap, left forefinger and thumb pinching their end while right forefinger and thumb smoothed the damp seam, right forefinger and thumb twisting their end and lifting the other to Spade’s mouth.”

Philip Marlowe (name of the fictional detective and the writer), suffered terribly from psoriatic arthropathy, a skin and joint disease. He gauged his health status by his ability to reach his cigarette pack from the dresser by his bed. In the movie, “Pulp Fiction,” fictional Red Apple cigarettes are prominent throughout the movie.

Cigarettes also are clues. A single brand of cigarette, smoked down to the filter, is found at a number of murder scenes. A lit, moving cigarette is all that can be seen next to the house where the murder took place on a moonless night. A suspect smokes a rare brand of cigarette…

Jim Thompson

If you like raw mystery stories and haven’t read the Jim Thompson books, make a beeline to the bookstore. The Getaway is much more chilling in its original form than the movie (think about hiding in an underwater cave that you can only hunch over in, breathing air from the stale pocket.) But I’ll tell you, reading The Killer Inside Me will get me hiding under the covers like a six year old on Halloween night.

We introduced Jim Thompson to a good friend who’s a retired newspaper reporter and avid reader. After reading our Killer Inside Me, he checked out every Thompson book at the library. After finishing them, our friend said something about needing to read something that didn’t have a psychopath as the protagonist.

Simile and Metaphor

Although some can be groaners, a lot of the similes and metaphors in the pulps are too much fun. Consider this Raymond Chandler metaphor.

“Sooner or later I may figure out why you like being a kept poodle.”

When my kids were teens and young adults, coming up with similes and metaphors was a favorite dinner-table activity. We’d start with a prompt such as: “The red dress fit her…” then everyone chimed in their goofiest simile or metaphor. The game got more hysterical as we continued because we had a tendency to mix each others’ metaphors until we were over the top.

Several times I’ve written that naming a quit date is the hardest part of quitting.

Well, here I am, waiting to name my second quit date. I’m not totally sure why. I think I’m waiting until I’m solid enough after the deaths of my sister and father to focus on quitting. For me, at least, the focus part is crucial.

The professional smoking cessation people use a Health Belief Model that says you’ll be more likely to stop smoking or chewing if you:

• believe you could get a tobacco-related disease and worry about it

I can very honestly answer yes to both of the above. Because of my job, I know far too well how damaging my habit is. And because of the esophageal cancer that runs in my family, I definitely worry about my greater risk.

• believe you’ve got a good shot at quitting

I was not at all confident about this before I quit last summer. Now, I know I can do it. But can I stick to the quit?

• believe the benefits of quitting are greater than the benefits of continuing your tobacco use

Is it possible that there’s a bozo out there who doesn’t know this is true?

• know of someone who has had health problems as a result of their tobacco use

I watched my former mother in law die from lung cancer after decades of smoking. My grandmother, a hardcore smoker, died of emphysema. Her husband, my dear grandfather, died of heart disease. Smoking would have made a major contribution to his condition.

So why haven’t I set a date? Am I ready?

I don’t really enjoy smoking now. I’m embarrassed by it. I hate the odor. And I hate what it can do to my health.

I find that I’m creating new smoking patterns–particularly smoking at a specific time or place. Funny that I didn’t just revert to the old ones. If you haven’t tracked your cigarettes, consider using the smoking journal (PDF), located under “Resources and Tools” to the right of your screen.

Get to Know Your Habit Better
It works like this: monitor when you light up for a few days. Go for a mix of weekday and weekends. Then determine which of the following three conditions triggers you to smoke each cigarette:

1. You smoked this cigarette out of habit. You know–the smoke you light when you pick up the phone, pour the first cup of coffee in the morning or start the car.
2. Your emotions made you smoke this cigarette! You get an unexpected letter from the IRS. Your teenager is late coming home from a date. Your mother-in-law suggests you learn how to pack properly five minutes after you get in her house–and most of the luggage is her son’s.
3. You had lust for this cigarette. It tasted great and you enjoyed most of it.

After you’ve completed your journal, make a plan for how you’re going to do battle with the triggers you’ve identified. You’ll find a tool, “Trump the Trigger” (PDF), also under “Resources and Tools” to help you with your planning.

How does this work? Well, plan an alternative to smoking when you’re up against your toughest triggers. Take a walk with your morning java instead of sitting with a cig. Don’t have that after-dinner cigarette; instead, spend time on your computer, visit a friend or watch an old favorite movie.

Planning before you kick the habit truly can make the difference between failure and success.

As Brits dash outside to light up in the wake of their new smoking ban, the determined smokers of Wellington Arms Pub in Southampton, England have devised a novel solution: They’re declaring the pub an embassy for the wee island of Radonda, somewhere in the Caribbean, which would exempt the pub from the smoking ban.

Bob Beech, noble knight of Radonda and landlord of the Wellington Arms Pub, said, “We are going to apply to turn the pub into an embassy as soon as possible. I have a legal team looking into the legalities at the moment.

“I think we would have a lot of regulars if we get it and there would be the benefit of no VAT on the drinks so there would be no tax on beer.”

Although there are at least nine claimants to the throne of Radonda, most subjects recognize King Robert the Bald, who also goes by the name of Robert Williamson. King Robert hails from Canada but prefers his square-mile realm, where he writes novels to augment the royal coffers.

As an embassy, the pub would be considered foreign soil and exempt from England’s smoking ban.

Tomorrow will be the one-year anniversary of my first quit-smoking date. It still feels good that I had some level of success.

• Two months totally smoke-free.
• Smoked occasionally during our two weeks in Europe last September.
• When I got on the plane to come home from Europe, I didn’t smoke at all for two weeks.
• Unfortunately, I got hung up smoking one cigarette a day–for months.
• I kept up the one-a-day habit until the news of my sister’s death–April 11–when I lit up and haven’t stopped since.

So here I am, buying cigarettes, smoking cigarettes, smelling like a tobacco shed after the pyromaniac ran out the back and, once again, jeopardizing my health. (Though I’m absolutely not smoking in my car.)

I will set a new date soon–when I can focus a bit better. You may recall that I believe setting that date is the hardest part of quitting. On the other hand, I want to be ready and have it together enough to be successful in round two.

Cessation Aids

I felt that nicotine lozenges worked pretty well for me last year, but I may check out Chantix. (I already take the antidepressant, Bupropion, which is the same drug as Zyban. Zyban was the first nicotine-free aid.)

Chantix both reduces the pleasure you get when you do smoke and reduces withdrawal symptoms when you’re kicking the habit.

The nicotine inhaler might be worth a look, too. When I was really jonesing for a cigarette on my first quit attempt, I’d put an unlit cigarette in my mouth and take a couple of smokeless puffs. It helped!